Trust

I have trust issues.  I have other issues but one of my biggest issues is trust. 

(I will write about all those "other" issues at some point in my life, maybe here) 

From a very young girl, I didn't find it easy to attempt a set of swings on a playground alone, afraid that maybe I would be the one to swing to high and get hurt. I wouldn't trust walking home with friends because I wondered if one of my friends would go the wrong way. 

I didn't trust taking medication at a young age because I thought it would make me feel worse.

Many boyfriends, friends and family have all come into my life. 

I have always had a problem with trusting them even when they say sorry or given me no reason to not trust them. I sabotage the relationship due to a protection of ever getting hurt. So, I would hurt them first.  

People are failures. I am a failure. I know that I have caused people to stumble and fall, get lost, "go the wrong way"; caused injury. 

We are not given a compass at birth on how to guide people. 

 I wouldn't want a compass from someone who treats me badly or has treated others badly. 

 Everyone I know has a broken compass.  One that we can never trust. 

One that will for certain fail us. 

One that lacks in grace, love and mercy. 

Broken compasses come in all sizes and shapes. 

Some plain don't work. 

June 2005, I picked up a compass. A new shiny compass. The dials were straight. The directions I took were the most trial filled places I ever went. 

I was scared. 

However there was this constant reassurance that everything would be ok. 

That compass. God and my Bible. 

I can't imagine a day in my life without it. 

I have learned to fall down, turn around and ask for another way. 

Those other ways, never worked. 

Although I would pack all the right things and prepare all the ways that I could. never was I found on the right path. My path is not the right way, ever. 

They are only detours to get to where I want to go but the outcome is unsatisfying, lacking joy, unpleasant and sinful. 

God points me to His Word filled with a quenching of this parched life as I travel on this long, dirty, dusty path. 

He is at every stop. 

Every hurdle. 

Every place that I lose my way. 

I trust Him. 

He has been the only one to give me reassurance in where I am headed. 

He is the only possible One who could know where I am going. And He, like no other can offer me such a wonderful ending to each day, week, year or journey as He has. 

Psalm 139:3- 

You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.

He created me. 

He knows me. 

He loves me. 

He wants me to trust Him. 

147 times He mentions "Trust" in the Bible.

And I say "Yes". 

Amen