Rain coming down outside while my almost two year old is banging her Frozen dolls on the same table where I am sitting, singing "Let it go"....
Today is supposed to be one of those perfect rainy days, filled with perfect photos of my kids in umbrellas and rain boots, me holding a Starbucks Peppermint Mocha and my husband gently kissing my cheek in the rain.
Today is exactly opposite of that.
It is loud kids, the store next door running a generator and my dog barking when the sound of someone's car drives through the rain. My husband huffing and puffin about his car being out of commission and our financial situation just went from "let's plan something for Christmas" to a place that Christmas won't exist this year in our home. (Well the material version of it anyhow)
It is getting myself worked up today over caddy women and their back biting comments and botox filled faces in my cardio barre class today.
It isn't pretty. Nor is my heart.
I am really "over" this place called earth. This place that we are temporarily living. It isn't a place of kindness or a place of growth. It feels like the air in an overly foggy sauna filled with a bad stench.
It disgusts me. Today, I am tired of wearing a smile that belongs on someone else's face. I wanna let out a scream and tell people off today. Especially mean people.
I am ready for Jesus to return. But first.. I must just vent, get some insight from God and then move on...
Lately, I have been a bit jaded.
I am really kind of tired of being nice to mean people. I can't even have joy anymore without someone just shooting me down with just one look. I can't offer help without someone taking their personal issues out on me. It makes me think that all the things that I learned from my father and God was just something to ruin me. To bring me to a place that makes me so angry and so over this world I want to move and live in some remote field that no one can visit.
After some thought, I wouldn't be happy there either - some random animal would probably piss me off too.
Then I thought as my little one is screaming "Let it Go" at the top of her lungs, banging her dolls incessantly on the table... "Maybe God is trying to tell me something?" "Perhaps, He wants me to 'Let it Go'.
Their she is holding two "women" from the movie Frozen, Elsa and Anna. She is banging them on the table over and over, clashing their faces together on occasion. If they were real, they would be screaming at each other but even more so to the one that is causing the banging of their heads.
Elsa would probably think she doesn't deserve it because she is above any kind of hurt because she is a queen. Anna would say she is the baby in the family and we should be careful because she is delicate.
Sophia (my two year old) is aware of the damage to the dolls however unless they asked for her to stop...and if in reality they did, I think Sophia would just drop them on the floor and run. However when I think about all this replacing Sophia with God, it makes better sense.
God allows us to "clash" with other people. It gives us the opportunity to get to see where people get irritated, annoyed or upset. We get the chance to push some buttons and really see what the limits are. We get our buttons pushed as well.
We do this with our kids, our husband, our friends, family and neighbors. It pushes us into either sin or into grace because ultimately it is always about our response to the other person. Be a mean revengeful person or love on them till it hurts. Forgive and move on or hold a grudge forever.
There are boundaries of course but the main point is that we make a choice in the moment. I can get upset or I can look at everything that we know of this person from another perspective.
I have to make choices on what God created me to be, in the likeness of Him. He writes it so clearly in 1 Corinthians 13- Love is patient, kind, doesn't hold record or wrongs...
I have to come to a place before my Savior to thank Him even when I feel like the noise around me is reason to give up. I have to come before Him and apologize for not asking Him for the strength to stop my clashing. Asking for His guidance to know how to handle it without damaging the other person but allowing them to see Jesus, not me, Him.
Imagine God watching us clash with someone else. He allows it to happen (free will) but then one of the women, slaps the other one. The damages that have been done would and could create another issue- their mutual friends, the place of business they work in, family, church friends, outsiders etc.
Now imagine if it doesn't have that serious of an outcome... maybe they just say a few mean words to each other, maybe take the "passive aggressive" approach. Sarcasm perhaps. Then they turn to a friend and they pass on what happened to validate their side, never asking for prayer about it without giving details.
It isn't like this has not happened in my life...trust me.
It still has sad consequences. It causes division amongst people, friends, family, church members and even spouses. It does something so incredibly damaging that restoration may never happen.
With God's guidance, His Word and our obedience- those outcomes will stand before the Lord when we choose to be the "bigger person". It is hard to do but it is what is the right thing. The way that Jesus would respond. He would want us to have a moment and respond later in a more loving way. He wants us to continue to love on those that are difficult to love.
Matthew 5:46- If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?
Jesus was not loved by people who hung Him on the cross however He still loved them.
It is my decision to choose but the outcome will be either fruit or nasty vines. Turn my cheek, pull the plank out of my eye and love until it hurts... almost until death.
I must be willing to put the armor on and go out with a loving heart. I can let the world make me a jaded, grumpy, miserable Christian. I gotta "Let it Go"....
So thank you Google Blogger.... I needed to vent.
Love
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